Body Vox

By Katie Deem
The Distinguished Performance Series presents the modern dance company BodyVox on Friday, Oct. 21 at 8 p.m. in the College Activities Center.

Artistic directors Jamey Hampton and Ashley Roland founded the critically acclaimed modern dance group in 1997. BodyVox has presented five productions in the U.S. and internationally since that time. These shows include “The Big Room,” “A Thousand Little Cities” with visual artist and playwright Ted Savinar and award-winning filmmaker Mitchell Rose, “Reverie,” “ZAPPED,” and “Water Bodies.”

Their body of work includes choreography for the Academy Awards as well as music videos for Sting, U2, Pat Metheny, John Fogerty and others. David Bowie selected Hampton and Roland to choreograph his arena concert production, "The Glass Spider."

The group collaborates with people across many entertainment genres - film/video, opera and fashion. One of their performances can be seen on video in the company’s short film “Modern Daydreams” which won the American Choreography Award for Outstanding Achievement in Short Film in 2002. The company also collaborated with renowned opera director Chris Mattaliano for the Portland Opera production of “Carmina Burana.” The Los Angeles Times called it “a hymn to impulsive uninhibited creative expression.” Fashion designers will often add BodyVox’s “human movement as a beautiful accessory to their [high fashion].” They also perform as guest entertainers “adding life and levity to festivals, celebrations, sports events, conferences and gala fundraisers of every conceivable kind.”

BodyVox “combines diverse forms of dance, media and stage design to create theater experiences.” The performers achieve “breathtaking physicality, striking imagery and guffaw- inducing wit and whimsy.” For more information on the modern dance group, please visit www.bodyvox.com.

The BodyVox performance is presented with financial assistance from the West Virginia Commision on the Arts and the Mid-Atlantic Arts Foundation, in partnership with the National Foundation for the Arts and West Virginia University at Parkersburg.

Tickets for this show are available in the college business office. WVUP students may purchase advance tickets for themselves and one guest for only $2 each. Tickets at the door are $10 for adults and $5 for students. For tickets by mail, call (304) 424-8223, e-mail tammyharper@mail.wvu.edu or write: Performing Arts Tickets, 300 Campus Drive, Parkersburg, WV, 26104. Persons with disabilities are encouraged to speak with someone at the time of ticket purchase or call 424-8248 or 424-8337 TTD for accommodations.

No Smoking Fines

By John Hickey
The two white-shirted Wachenhut security officers on campus through Oct. 14 will issue no fines or citations, said Nelson Ortiz, Coordinator for Campus Security at West Virginia University at Parkersburg. The officers will educate students about designated smoking areas and about the fines for smoking in a non-designated area under the new Mid–Ohio Valley Health Department regulations.

Ortiz said the fines range from $50 to $500 and that, under the new regulations, WVUP could be fined for every student who is cited for smoking, in an amount equal to the fine the student receives. Because of this potential legal liability to the school, he said, WVUP President Marie Foster Gnage ordered that security officers be hired to educate students on the regulations. Only after Oct. 14, when the Wachenhut officers leave, will any citations will be issued, and any citations that are issued will be issued by campus security.

Christina Clancy of the Student Government Association said the SGA will staff a table by the library this week to survey student opinion on the implementation of the new regulations.

Letter to the Editor

(This is a response to Devon Nuckles’ opinion piece "Nonsmokers Die Every Day," Chronicle Sept. 26)

Dear Mr. Nuckles,
I appreciate your efforts to bring light to the issue of smoking on, or rather near, campus to your fellow students and avid readers of The Chronicle. Though you made a genuine effort to inform your readers of your opinion, I (the average nonsmoker) happen to disagree with your statement about smoking: "Yes, I know it's gross, yes I know it smells nasty to you, but we are not making you be around it. That's your choice."
   You fail to mention that exposure to second-hand smoke has been linked to increased rates of various cancers, cardiovascular and cerebrovascular diseases, respiratory disease, and reproductive and developmental effects. For lung cancer, the excess risk appears to be in the range of about 20% to 30%, while for heart disease, it appears to be in the range of 20% to 25%. We don't, as you allege, want to live forever, we just want to live healthier.
   According to you, "Nonsmokers die everyday!" Yes, approximately 3,000 lung cancer deaths occur each year among adult nonsmokers in the United States as a result of exposure to secondhand smoke. They die because you have a problem with standing fifteen feet away from entrances to doors, while you light one up. We as nonsmokers did not make the conscious decision to intake tar and rat poison into our lungs, so why should we have to suffer the consequences?
   I don't think fifteen feet is enough. According to the American Lung Association, a recent study found that children whose parents smoke outdoors take twice the amount of nicotine into their bodies as children whose parents don't smoke. This is because particles found in cigarettes are so tiny that they can attach themselves to your clothes and hair. The particles are absorbed by the carpets, curtains, furniture and even dust. When we irrational nonsmokers are exposed to these smoke particles, we absorb nicotine into our bodies. Be happy with fifteen feet, it could be worse.
   Thank you for letting me have the opportunity to speak on behalf of us nonsmokers who “have this strange mindset going on where they think they are better because they don't smoke.”

Denita Jones
WVUP English Major        

New Freshmen Senators

Kris Rollyson and Diana Williamson have been elected as new freshmen senators to serve on the student government.

Elections were held Sept. 26 and 27 by the Student Government Association.

Child Care Center

By Rachel Nowery
The Child Care Center and students from the Nursing Program temporarily joined forces for children the month of September. A tooth-brushing clinic was held to allow nursing students the chance to fulfill community-service requirements.

Upcoming events for the Child Care center include a trip to a local nursing home on Oct. 27, and the annual Trick or Treat Festival, which will also be at the end of the month. For the Festival, children will dress up and walk around the school, visiting classrooms and faculty. They will “Trick or Treat” throughout the day giving parents and students the opportunity to take pictures of the children.

The Child Care Center is also awaiting word on a $94,000 grant. If the grant is accepted, it would greatly help the Center, in not only improving the conditions, but benefiting the children as well.

There are still some spots open for children in the Child Care Center. If you need child care services while attending West Virginia University of Parkersburg please contact Tina Taylor, Child Care manager, for more information 424-8311.

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New Social Sciences Faculty

By Erika Westbrook
The Social Science Division welcomes new faculty members Dr. Robert Anderson and Aaron Crites to West Virginia University at Parkersburg.

Anderson is an instructor of history whose major field is colonial and early national history. He received his Bachelor of Arts degree in Computer MIS from Mercyhurst College, his master’s from Slippery Rock University and his doctorate from West Virginia University.

Prior to joining WVUP, Anderson was a visiting assistant professor at Lock Haven University of Pennsylvania, and served as an adjunct instructor at Penn State University’s Altoona Campus, Mt. Aloysius College, and Alleghany College of Maryland’s Everett Campus. He also was a systems analyst for Electronic Data Systems for over four years.

“Everything has been wonderful so far,” stated Anderson, “the people here have been helpful.”

Crites, also a history instructor and former adjunct faculty member, is not new to the Social Science Division. He received his bachelor’s degree in political science and sociology from Alderson Broaddus College, a teaching certificate for 5 – 12 Social Studies for the state of West Virginia from Ohio Valley University, and a master’s degree in history from Marshall University. Recently, he worked in the computer industry and for the administration at George Washington University in Washington D.C.

“The students have all been welcoming,” said Crites. “The faculty have also been great

Both instructors are excited for the opportunity to teach and interact with students.

Soelberg Director of Theatre

By Katie Deem
The Theatre Department welcomes Dr. Carson Soelburg as Director of Theatre, from Lubbock, Texas, where he recently completed his doctoral studies at Texas Tech. His experiences include a teaching position at Cornell University as a part of the Resident Professional Theatre Artist program, Guest Director for Olivet College during its Sesquicentennial Celebration, Director of Education for Salina Community Theatre, Director of the Professional Training Program for the Oklahoma Shakespearean Festival, Program Director for Stagedoor Manor, and Director of Performing Arts for Fairmont Preparatory Academy. Theatre companies have produced ten of Soelberg’s original works, many of them musicals.

Dr. Soelberg has worked in 37 states. When asked why he came to West Virginia he replied, “You go where the work is.” He did not particularly consider the location, though he does notice how accessible metropolises like Pittsburgh and Columbus are from Parkersburg. He values congeniality, a sense of humor, and a little bit of craziness. He searched for a group with whom he could work, others who value growth, expansion and risk-taking. Moreover, he wanted to be around those who value the students more than they value themselves. He found that here at WVUP.

Soelberg will be teaching the 400-level course Playwriting for the spring semester. In this course, students will write a play with the intention of having it performed. The next semester, a directing class picks up the script, chooses a cast, spends the semester rehearsing and producing the play, and then performs it in the spring semester.

He is currently teaching Theatre Appreciation, Acting I, and Theatre Makeup.

Though highly accomplished, Dr. Soelberg bears no pretense. He instantly puts others at ease and finds others as interesting as they find him. He has a “passion for learning” and jokes about also having “a passion for Mexican ladies.” He is an animated and entertaining addition to the theatre department.

'Death and the Maiden'

By Robert Walling
The West Virginia University at Parkersburg Theatre Department will present “Death and the Maiden” by Chilean political exile Ariel Dorfman. Directing the play is WVUP newcomer Carson Soelberg. With an extensive portfolio of experience, Carson has directed over 100 productions, worked in over 170, and has had 14 of his own works reach the stage (10 of which are musicals).

The show is a three-person production. Making their stage debuts are Allen Withrow and Kaleb Gregory Smith. Allen plays Gerardo Escobar, a lawyer hired to a committee investigating the human rights abuses of his country’s previous fascist regime. The official government policy at the time is to grant general pardon to all of those who committed these abuses.

Gerardo’s wife Paulina, played by Dallas Zickefosse, has kept her troubled past from her husband. She was a victim of both the rape and torture that were rampant during Augusto Pinochet Ugarte’s CIA-approved overtake of the Chilean Socialist government.

One night the couple meets Dr. Robert Miranda, played by Kaleb Gregory Smith. While eating dinner with the family, Paulina recognizes that the doctor’s voice is that of the man who kidnapped her during the period of Chile’s political turmoil.

The plot creates conflicts against Paulina’s want for revenge, her husband’s duty to not seek retribution for the harm done during the revolution, and the irony that Dr. Miranda now finds himself in the position he placed Paulina years ago.

“Please be advised that ‘Death and the Maiden’ addresses adult themes and contains very strong adult language,” stated director Soelberg. Parents are not encouraged to bring young children to the show.

The play will be presented in three performances, on Oct. 28, 29 and 30.

'Children’s Letters to God'

By Devon Nuckles
West Virginia University at Parkersburg was proud to present “Children’s Letters to God” on Thursday, September 22, produced by the Lambs Theatre Company from New York.

The modern set design consisted of a white screen backdrop. Different colors were projected on to the screen which enhanced the current mood. The original production cast children, yet this starred young adults in their 20s. The members of the cast consist of Cleo Berry (who played Theo), Kari Morris (Iris), Matte O’Brien (Brett), Traci Skoldberg (Joanna), and Joseph Zahn (Kicker).

Judging by the title, one might think this Christian-based. However, as the show went on, the play dealt with issues such as insecurity (Theo), putting up with a sibling (Kicker and Joanna), death of a pet (Iris’s turtle Arnold), a crush on a certain someone (Brett and Joanna), divorce (Brett), and the general questioning of the existence of God. The children go as far as to ask God how he does not get confused with all the religions in the world when they sing “A Simple Holiday Song.”

After the show, I was granted an interview with the cast. They were very friendly people and very down-to-earth. However, I did notice that Cleo had a striking resemblance to Ruben Stoddard from American Idol.

When I asked them how they got involved in “Children’s Letters to God,” Matte told me that they all found an ad in “Backstage” magazine for auditions. Then I proceeded to ask them how many shows they had done so far. “This is our first show,” said Matt. I also found out that no one was nervous. “The audience changes, but the set still stays the same; I mean the trees are still there and in the same place.” The cast agreed.

“What advice would you give to anyone who wants to get involved in acting or theater?” I asked. “Keep at it, believe in yourself,” says Kari. “Take lessons too, they help.” “Persistence,” stated Joseph. “Don’t give up just because this is a small town,” Cleo added. Traci, who seems to be the quiet one, said, “You got to love acting more than anything else.”

By talking to the cast of “Children’s Letters to God,” it is obvious they do.

SJC Shows 'King Gimp'

By Betsy Curry
The Disability Services Office and the Social Justice Committee are offering a showing of the Academy Award-winning film “King Gimp,” in recognition of National Disability Month.

The film, “King Gimp,” records a 13-year period in the life of Dan Keplinger, a talented artist who was born with cerebral palsy. The film follows Keplinger’s life from his years in special education through his college graduation. During Dan’s struggle to conquer the overwhelming odds, he discovered his artistic abilities, which gave him the opportunity to express his inner being.

Cerebral palsy is a result of an injury to the brain of a fetus or newborn child. There is no cure for the disease, yet it is not progressive. Cerebral palsy may cause many types of posture and movement problems. It may also cause problems with vision, hearing, speech, language and learning. There is no way of knowing what functional differences can be expected in each individual.

William A. Whiteford and Susan Hannah Hadary are the brilliant filmmakers behind “King Gimp.” The duo is known for celebrating the human spirit through their films. Whiteford and Hadary received an Academy Award in the category of Documentary Short Subject for “King Gimp,” which debuted June 5 on HBO.

The campus community is invited to attend the film presentation Thursday, Oct 27, 9-10 a.m. in Rooms 2536-2538. If you have any questions, please contact Pam Clevenger 424-8378 or Cathy Mutz 424-8320, Room 1211. Classes are welcome to come with advanced notice. Refreshments will be served. RSVP would be greatly appreciated.

More information about Dan Keplinger and the film is available at www.hbo.com/kinggimp/king.

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Breast Cancer Awareness

By Rachel Nowery
During the month of October, the bookstore will be displaying Breast Cancer Awareness items for sale. Items include the Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook, a “Kiss the Cure” charm bracelet, T-shirts, and even pink-and-white M&Ms. A portion of all proceeds will go to research. Stop by the bookstore and help support Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

The bookstore will also start mid-semester returns of overstock books and items that will not be used in the Spring semester. “We encourage students to get what they need before time and supplies run out,” says Michele McVey, manager of the bookstore. “Please stop by and return or purchase now,” encourages McVey.

Upcoming Health Fair

By Erika Westbrook
West Virginia University at Parkersburg’s Health Center will sponsor a Health Fair on Oct. 12, in the Multipurpose Room.

During the fair, students will be able to participate in many health-based events, such as: blood glucose testing, first aid presentations for parents, HPV virus presentation, and vision screening. There will also be a blood drive and STD testing taking place.

Several participating establishments will also have information booths set up for the events, including Camden-Clark Memorial Hospital, St. Joseph’s Hospital, Family Crisis Intervention Center, American Cancer Society, Deems Family chiropractor, Rite Aid, YMCA, American Red Cross and more.

The Health Center will also be sponsoring the Clothesline Project, Oct. 17- 21 in Rooms 2536 and 2538, and will also hold a candlelight vigil for domestic violence on Oct. 19.

More information can be obtained on any of these events at the Health Center, Room 1203.

Health Fair Offers STD Clinic

By Erika Westbrook
The Mid-Ohio Valley Health Department will be offering a STD clinic during the Health Fair, which takes place on Oct. 12 in the Multipurpose Room. The clinic will give students the chance to be screened for the sexually transmitted diseases Chlamydia, gonorrhea and HIV. Tests are free and do not require the use of needles.

“Cases of HIV, Chlamydia, gonorrhea and hepatitis C are prevalent,” said Allan Zipf, disease intervention specialist with the West Virginia Department of Health and Human Resources. “Five new cases of HIV have been reported locally over the past month, and in the last year a total of 107 cases of Chlamydia and 16 cases of gonorrhea have confirmed.”

According to Zipf, the majority of STD cases the Health Department sees involve younger people between the ages of 14 to 20, as younger people appear to be more sexually active.

“We hope to bring awareness to college students, since they are in the majority of those affected by sexually transmitted diseases, and are at greater risk,” Zipf said.

All HIV screening will be done by an Orasure test, which requires a saliva sample. The Chlamydia and gonorrhea screening will require urine samples. The clinic will be completely confidential, and all students who wish to participate in the screening are asked to sign up in the campus Health Center before the event.

Health Department representatives Janie Moore, R.N., and Joan McCay, R.N., will be available at the Health Fair for anyone looking for more information on STDs.

More information on the STD screening can be obtained in the Health Center, Room 1203.

Info on Nursing Applications

By Ashleigh McCune
There will be two information sessions for anyone who needs help with the application process or with any other problems students or the public may be having in the Health Science or Nursing programs.

The first session will be on Wednesday, Oct. 12, from 3-4 p.m. in Room 2536. The next session will be on Tuesday, Oct. 18 from 6:30-7:30 p.m.

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Day of Silent Solidarity

By Rachel Nowery
On Oct. 25, students from around the country will remain silent, in solidarity for over 4,000 babies killed that day by surgical abortion. Students will wear a red armband or red duct tape with the word “Life” written on it to identify themselves as taking part in the day of solidarity. Students will also carry flyers that explain why they are remaining silent for the day.

The Student’s Day of Silent Solidarity is a day to stand in silent unity with our brothers and sisters who never had a chance to speak. Everyday thousands of innocent children are silenced before they can ever speak their first words. They never have a chance to laugh, sing, cry, or even breathe.

If you would like to take part in the Student’s Day of Silent Solidarity, please register with Stand True, a non-profit organization promoting standing for morals, pro-life beliefs and Jesus Christ. There is no cost. Stand True wants to keep a list of schools around the country that have students participating. Register at Silent@StandTrue.com and please include your name, school and state, so Stand True can keep track of how many schools and colleges will be participating.

The War Against Science

By John Hickey
Dr. Bruce Terry, chair of the School of Bible and Religion at Ohio Valley University, sought to discredit tenets of mainstream science that he believes contradict the Bible when he spoke Sept. 23 at “America’s Search for a Creation Story.” Sitting next to him on the stage of West Virginia University at Parkersburg’s packed theater, however, was Dr. Ed Crisp, professor of Geology at WVUP, who firmly, though politely, refuted him.

That exchange was one of the few bits of meat to be found in the soup that evening. The primary speaker, Canadian professor Dr. Karl Giberson, warned at length against excessive passion in what he calls “the unholy war between Religion and Science” over the teaching of evolution.

Giberson pleaded for a truce. He said that people have become polarized over the issue and that the advocates for each side are taking a very aggressive stance. Giberson quoted six science writers, including Richard Dawkins, Stephen Jay Gould and Stephen Hawking, who he said were “hostile to religion.” On the Creationist side, he cited Henry Morris, author of The Long War Against God: The History and Impact of the Creation/Evolution Conflict, who says: “Satan’s rebellion, his long war against God, is founded upon the premise of evolution.”

Terry, whose OVU Bible program says it “prepares ministers, missionaries and educators,” suggested that studies of the fallout from the Mt. St. Helens volcanic eruption of 1980 should make us question the standard geological methods of estimating the age of the earth. He said the fact that many layers of ash could be quickly deposited cast doubt on geologists’ conclusions that the earth is billions of years old. Creationists, who take the Bible as a source of geological information, believe the Bible teaches that the earth is less than ten thousand years old.

Crisp explained that geologists do not take layering in itself as evidence of long stretches of time, and that the painstaking observations of generations of scientists enable geologists to recognize quickly deposited layers of volcanic ash. He said the age of igneous (i.e. once-molten) rock within a stratum of earth can be calculated from the changes in trace elements like potassium-40, which changes at a known rate from the time rock becomes molten.

Potassium-40 has been found to decay into argon at a rate that gives it a half-life of 1.3 billion years. In other words, if half of the potassium-40 trapped in a sample of igneous rock is found to have turned to argon gas, geologists know that sample of rock was molten 1.3 billion years ago.

Terry was questioning important findings. In Olduvai Gorge in East Africa, there is a stratum of earth containing the fossils of human ancestors. Covering that stratum is a layer of once-molten rock. Potassium-argon analysis has established that the molten flow occurred two million years ago, and thereby established that the fossils themselves were more than two million years old.

As the evening’s events took place, parents in Dover, Pa., prepared to challenge in federal court their local school board’s policy requiring ninth-grade teachers to discredit the theory of evolution and advance the concept of Intelligent Design. Rev. Nate Williams, pastor of Vienna Baptist Church, who introduced the evening’s speakers, said in a brief interview that he believed Philip Johnson, the lawyer who is the author of Darwin on Trial and one of the Intelligent Design movement’s founders, may be seeking through that movement to bring religion back into the nation’s public schools.

The Sept. 23 event was part of a three-day program sponsored in part by The Manor, a Parkersburg retreat center. In a follow-up session at the Manor the following day, Rev. Williams said he sees the attempt by some religionists to create distrust of mainstream science as an insidious cultural phenomenon. At that smaller session, Giberson also expressed his personal views more pointedly, at one point comparing the Creationist agenda of discrediting science with the agenda of groups who seek on religious grounds to dissuade followers from receiving medical treatment or vaccinations.

If this is a culture war, science is losing. In a Harris Poll in June, 54 percent of a thousand Americans surveyed said they do not think human beings developed from earlier species. This was a 17 percent increase from the number who doubted evolution when asked the same question in 1994. For the details of that poll, see http://www.harrisinteractive.com/harris_poll/index.asp?PID=581.

At WVUP, says Ed Crisp, “Surveys of students (many of whom are elementary education majors) in several science classes at West Virginia University at Parkersburg indicate that many are opposed to biologic evolution concepts and most believe that it is only fair to teach creationistic concepts alongside evolutionary theory.”

Crisp says, “There is a current strong movement by creationist and other politically oriented religious groups to undermine real science and foster a mistrust of mainstream science. In fact, they have been rather successful at this in the present presidential administration. I am very concerned about the attempts by creationists to infiltrate local school boards and adopt practices that foster a mistrust of science, and evolutionary biology in particular. Make no mistake; this is a serious attack on science and unbiased scientific inquiry.”

Sacrificing Our Children

Opinion
By John Hickey
A cadre of conservative Christians are mounting a determined campaign against the teaching of the science of evolution in our nation’s schools. They seek to foment a new distrust of mainstream science, along with the ancient fear of a wrathful God, to try to block children from studying any science that would lead them beyond the science found in the Bible. Pressure on school boards to abet the dismantling of mainstream science comes even from President George W. Bush, who said Aug. 1 that the nation’s schools should teach the religious theory of “Intelligent Design” as a challenge to the science of evolution.

Religious challenges to the teaching of evolution in schools are currently being mounted in 49 of the 50 states, according to Dr. Karl Giberson, editor-in-chief of Science and Spirit magazine, whose current issue asks on its cover, “What’s the Problem With Darwin? Why Americans Are Turning Their Backs on Evolution.”

Steve Abrams, chairman of the Kansas State Board of Education, said in September that evolution was incompatible with Christian beliefs. “At some point in time, if you compare evolution and the Bible, you have to decide which one you believe,” Abrams said. In a Harris Poll in June, 54 percent of Americans surveyed said they did not think human beings developed from earlier species. This was a 17 percent increase from the number who doubted evolution in 1994.

Some parents and educators are fighting back. Testimony began in federal court Sept. 26 in a lawsuit brought by parents of ninth graders in Dover, Pa., challenging their school district’s policy requiring their children’s biology teachers to discredit the science of evolution in their classrooms and advance the concept of Intelligent Design. Bob Hemenway, Chancellor of the University of Kansas, said Sept. 27, “Evolution is the central unifying principle of modern biology, and it must be taught in our high schools, universities and colleges.” At West Virginia University at Parkersburg, Geology professor Ed Crisp has spoken out strongly in this newspaper and elsewhere.

In the Ohio Valley, the Creation Research Science Education Foundation, based in Columbus, says, “Our ministry is to keep science in its proper perspective by reexamining the evidence around us in the light of the Bible. Board members believe in the inerrancy of the Bible, which we believe teaches a young earth and a worldwide Flood in the days of Noah.” The group thus completely rejects modern biological science, but in our area, Ohio Valley University Associate Professor of Natural Sciences and Education Gordon Wells counts himself among its leading members. He teaches biology and trains science teachers at the school, which is an accredited university.

Dr. Bruce Terry, chair of the School of Bible and Religion at Ohio Valley University, also takes a Creationist approach to science. Terry, whose Bible program says it “prepares ministers, missionaries, and educators,” sought to discredit tenets of mainstream science when he was at West Virginia University at Parkersburg Sept. 23.

Will the Creationist political movement succeed in discrediting science and convincing students to restrict their studies to the boundaries of “biblical fact”? Will they succeed in sacrificing our children’s future to their God?

In one of the most troubling passages in the Old Testament, Abraham proves his obedience to God by agreeing to make a human sacrifice of his sweet-tempered son Isaac:

“God did tempt Abraham, and said unto him… Abraham, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest… and offer him for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.… And Abraham built an altar there, and laid the wood in order, and bound Isaac his son, and laid him on the altar upon the wood. And Abraham stretched forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son. And the angel of the LORD called unto him out of heaven, and said, Abraham…, Lay not thine hand upon the lad, neither do thou any thing unto him: for now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only son from me.” (Genesis 22, KJV)

Saint Paul admired Abraham’s willingness to sacrifice his son. “By faith Abraham, when he was tried, offered up Isaac,” he says. (Hebrews 11:17, KJV)

James, in his epistle, agreed. “Was not Abraham our father justified by works, when he had offered Isaac his son upon the altar?” (James 2:21, KJV)

But would Christ have agreed with them? Christ said, “If ye had known what this meaneth, I will have mercy, and not sacrifice, ye would not have condemned the guiltless.” (Matthew 12:7, KJV)

Does the wrathful God of the Old Testament still rule us through fear and the threat of hell? Should we obey a God who tells us to sacrifice our children?

I have met families who could not even discuss evolution for fear of losing their souls. If these families continue to be ruled by the vengeful God who now threatens them, their children will be barred from entering into the discourse of free men and women, because they will never have an independent point of view. They will be servants all their lives to those in society who do the thinking, not because of any difference in intelligence, but because they will have been trained, under pain of condemnation to hell, to not think for themselves.

The laughing child who explores nature in the spirit of pure play ignores biblical rules about what he or she is allowed to notice and study. The Creationists want us to sacrifice that child to their Old Testament God. Will we agree?

Censorship Causes Blindness

By Betsy Curry
An all too common pastime in the United States is banning books. Yes, even in 2005 books with “controversy” are still a hot topic in daily life. The American Library Association along with the American Booksellers Association, the Association of American Publishers and the National Association of College Stores started Banned Books Week in 1982.
Banned Books Week is celebrated the last week in September. This year the Library displayed many banned books, as did the Bookstore. The Bookstore also has many of the banned books available for purchasing.

Banned Books Week was founded to raise awareness of censorship problems in the United States and abroad. People are also encouraged to fight against banning and censorship. Often people take notice of banned books, and often protests break out to challenge the censorship and the ban is lifted. Sometimes nobody notices and the book is stifled for its creative text.
Most arguments in favor of censorship are imposed for the protection of children. Advocates of banning certain books uphold the fact that children in grades K-12 will be harmed if we do not protect them from inappropriate materials. The opposing side insists that censorship of books and other curriculum materials violates the academic freedom and diversity of thought protected by the United States Constitution.

Among the classic works of literature banned from schools over the years include; Shakespeare’s Hamlet, Nathaniel Hawthorne’s Scarlet Letter, and Mark Twain’s The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. According to the National School Boards Association, challenges of school materials are common throughout the United States. Frequently, nearly one-third result in materials being withdrawn from schools or their use reduced.
Censorship is defined as the removal, suppression, or restricted circulation of literary, artistic or educational materials on the grounds that these are morally or otherwise objectionable in light of the standards applied by the censor, according to Henry Reichman in Censorship and Selection, Issues and Answers for Schools.

Books are banned by libraries, schools, entire towns and sometimes in the past the United States government. Books are banned for the following reasons but are not limited to: sex and drug education, literature showing children challenging parents and authorities, teaching evolution without reference to creationism, showing women behaving in nontraditional ways, and “invasions of privacy” – projects requiring students to share personal information.
Censorship of all kinds, even burning of books, continues today. In 2004, the American Library Association counted 524 challenges; mostly in schools, many other cases go unreported. A complete listing of challenged and banned books of 2005 can be found at www.abffe.com.

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Changing Your Major?

By Betsy Curry
It’s common knowledge that college students often change their major more than once before they graduate. The Career Center, located in the old Learning Center room, gives students the opportunity to research majors. The Center offers a computer program called Sigi Plus to students to help them find a major best compatible for them. The program asks questions such as what are your values, interest, dislikes, etc. The program asks specific questions so one answer has to be chosen for each question.

Sigi Plus presents students with different occupations for research. It also lists the salaries for different jobs. The program allows students to see availability in five years for the occupations they might be of interest. Availability is very important for students to view. If a major takes four years to complete, and in four years the intended job is not thriving, then jobs may not be available.

America’s Job Bank is an online website available for students to look up job availability on a national level and on a smaller scale like regionally and local. Currently there are four computer stations for students to access the program. The Center will be expanding at the end of the semester.

Currently no appointment is needed to use the Center, but as more students begin to come in an appointment might be necessary. Hours are weekly 8 a.m. - 4 p.m. except Thursday 11 a.m. – 7 p.m.

All students searching for a career and salaries of their intended jobs are encouraged to come and try out Sigi Plus.

Professional Commitment

By Jasmine Delane and Devon Nuckles
The Education Division of West Virginia University at Parkersburg will be holding their official signing ceremony for incoming Education majors on Tuesday, Oct. 11 in the Multipurpose Room at 7:30 p.m.

The students will sign a contract stating they commit to “the conceptual framework of Architects of the Future.” Students will also be committing to personal development that entails establishing a record of reliability and responsibility, accepting constructive criticism, and developing organizational skills.

Following the ceremony, members of Kappa Delta Pi will hold their induction ceremony for new members into the Sigma Omega Chapter. A reception in Rooms 2536 and 2538 will conclude the event.

Education Is Family Affair

By Ashleigh McCune
Many families share holidays, dinners and vacations together. The Buchanan family, however has something unique they share; they all attend West Virginia University at Parkersburg.

Will, the father, is working towards his Bachelors of Applied Technology (BAT) with the option of networking and his Associate in Pre-Professional with a math background. He has already completed his Associate in Business and is working towards earning an Arts Degree. Will decided to come to WVUP due to a spinal injury causing him to leave his work in the construction field.

Lois, the mother, is working towards earning her Associate in Business and the Arts. Currently she works as a beautician. She also has an older son, Jimmy Mercer, who took Welding classes. Angel, a daughter, is working on her Associate in Criminal Justice. She graduated one year early from high school.

Whitney, a daughter, is a senior at Parkersburg High School where she is double majoring in Military and Medical fields. She is taking AP courses there from WVUP in Psychology and Sociology 101. She also plans to take Chemistry 101 this summer. She is planning to apply to the Nursing Program next fall. Whitney is a member of the PHS Drill Team. She performed with her team here during “Troops Week.” She has been a member all four years of high school. Whitney is the Unit Executive Commander, in other words she is second in command. “I really like the idea of coming to WVUP because it is close to home, not very big, and is a lot more safe,” says Whitney.

The family has two cousins who also attend here.

“One of the hardest tasks about us all coming to school here is juggling the cars because we only have two,” says Lois. The Buchanan family is optimistic to overcome the economy, to support each other, and to attain their goals. “We are very grateful this campus is here,” says Lois.

Jeff Holland is the family’s advisor. Mother and daughter Lois and Angel even have a class together, Psychology 101. The Work Force for West Virginia is sponsoring the Buchanan family. Will and Lois will graduate this spring.

Another thing that ties this family together is the military. Lois was in the Army Reserve. Angel’s boyfriend, Brett Spangler, is in the Marine Corp. Whitney is planning to join the Navy or Marine Corp to become a flight medic. Both of their grandfathers were also in the military.

This is certainly what you call a “family affair.” Lois even admitted that she has found other relatives here just by talking to people and then finding out that they were relatives. Although there are struggles, one thing is very clear in this family; they support each other and are optimistic for their educational future.

Essay Contest

By Jasmine Delane
The Community College Baccalaureate Association is sponsoring the fourth annual international essay contest to find out what students think about community colleges offering Baccalaureate College degrees on their campuses, the challenges of finding degree programs close to their homes and obstacles students must overcome in order to earn a baccalaureate degree.

The individual with the winning essay will receive $1,000 and an all-expense-paid trip to the Sixth Annual Community College Baccalaureate Association Conference, Build, Maintain, Enhance New Orleans, which will be held March 17-19, 2006. $1,000 will also be awarded to the Student Government Association of the winner’s college.

The essays have to comply with the following rules: Each contestant can only submit one essay, and the contestant must currently be enrolled in a community college. The essay must be typed in 12-point type, and have at least 400 words but no more than 500, and it must reflect the contestant’s own research. Each essay must have the following at the top of the first page submitted: an essay title, author’s name, address, telephone number and email address, community college name, address and phone number. Any additional essay pages must have the author’s name typed at the top right hand corner of the page.

All entries must be postmarked by Dec. 1, or emailed by midnight of the same date to Dr. Beth Hagan, Community College Baccalaureate Association, P.O. Box 60210, Ft. Myers, FL 33906 or BHagan7@aol.com. All essays will become the property of the Community College Baccalaureate Association, and they may be printed to promote the CCBA mission.

Topics that one may choose for this essay are as follows: “Why it’s important for me to earn my Baccalaureate degree while I live at home.”, “Should my state offer four-year degrees in our community colleges?” and “Why I need easier access to a Baccalaureate degree.”

Judging will take place in early January and the winner will be notified by February 1. For more information about CCBA, you can visit the website, www.accbd.org or call Sue at 239-596-7990.

Murmurs and Rumblings

Opinion
By Dylan Webster
Over the course of the last two weeks, many students have questioned the leadership of the college for having a special section set aside at programs for “Guests of the President.” There has also been talk of guests of the President having among other things, wine. In a recent interview, West Virginia at Parkersburg President Dr. Marie Foster Gnage outlined the rhyme and reason to the new things that we see.

First, it should be recognized that as President, Dr. Gnage has the power to make these kinds of exceptions. Gnage also wished to stress that anytime alcohol was involved, it would be at the Caperton Center, and would never be around children. “If we had to be in the main building, we would be strictly a punch-and-cookie event,” Gnage reassured.

Gnage explained that these issues are intended to be small tokens of appreciation to those who have been generous to our school. “We want the people who donate time and money to our school to be a part of our school, our community.” “This is a new aspect to the culture of this institution, and I feel that it is vital for the growth of our school,” stated Gnage. While this is very new here, it is very commonplace at larger colleges and universities across the nation.

Gnage continued, “We have 125 acres of land, we need library space, new childcare facilities, more parking and more student activities.” “Many people think that all of our needs are met by state and federal funding, but this is absolutely not true.” “If we want to attain our goals as a school, we need more resources,” said Gnage.

Another growing issue is that of where can smokers go. So far, the school is looking at a cost of about $7,000 for one shelter for smokers. Gnage hopes to designate five areas around campus for this. “Not only is this going to be costly, but it is something that most schools do not attempt to do.” “I contacted Morgantown to see how they handled these situations, and they said that they did not have shelters. Penn State said they provide nothing more than a picnic table,” said Gnage.

Plato once said, “When the mode of the music changes, the walls of the city shake.” These words ring true here today. We all want new things, but we are mostly all creatures of habit. When we see things done in a new way, we as humans become a bit reactionary. However, this is not all bad, as Gnage concludes, “I welcome rumblings and murmurs; only then can I answer these questions.”

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WVUP Foundation Anniversary

By Jasmine Delane
The West Virginia University at Parkersburg Foundation has a new logo, which is part of an overall marketing plan to increase its visibility in the Mid-Ohio Valley Region.

The Foundation will mark its 35th anniversary this year, and the logo will assist the Foundation in celebrating this special milestone. A new website and other items will be unveiled this fall.

McVey President of WVACS

By Rachel Nowery
Michele McVey, manager of the Campus Bookstore was voted President of the West Virginia Association of College Stores on Sept. 26. There was a meeting in Flatwoods, W.Va. where she was elected. This position lasts for only a year before a new president is elected.

“The Association is always striving to keep textbook prices down and do the best for the students,” says McVey. “Hopefully, I can make a difference, not only for the West Virginia University of Parkersburg students, but all West Virginia students as well.”

SGA sponsors Troops Week

By Erika Westbrook
West Virginia University at Parkersburg’s students helped support the U.S. military by participating in Troop’s Week, Sept. 19-22.

Events of the week began on Monday with a new flag dedication at noon on the front lawn, with U.S. Army Color Guard in attendance. The day was also dubbed “Yellow Ribbon Day.” Soldiers and veterans were asked to wear their BDU or uniforms.

Tuesday was “Camo Day,” in which students showed support by wearing camouflage clothing.

A barbecue, sponsored by Student Activities and Student Government, was held Wednesday in the backyard. Students were treated to a free lunch, while being entertained by education major Adam Canter and his band, Deadline, followed by a demonstration by the PHS Drill Team. The National Guard also had a Black Hawk helicopter and military vehicles on display.

Thursday was “Red, White and Blue Day,” in which students showed off their tie-died t-shirts.

During the week, recruiters from the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines and the National Guard were on campus.

SGA Sponsors Blood Drive

By Rachel Nowery
On Oct. 12, Student Activities will be sponsoring a blood drive in the Multipurpose Room. Come out and donate blood for those who need it.
  
October 15, a Halloween dance will be held for students in the Multipurpose Room. “Hollywood Fright Night” is the theme of the dance. The Student Government/Activities bulletin board near the library will update on times and location.
  
Oct. 17-19 there will be a pingpong tourney. Sign up with Tom or Josh in the Activities Center Office Room 1535 or call 424-8309.

Every Tuesday there is pick-up basketball in the Multipurpose Room. Basketball is played from 1-5 p.m. This happens every week unless otherwise posted.

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Be a Hero

You may never think of yourself as a hero, but . . .

with every blood donation, you have the potential to save up to three lives.

Give blood.
Wednesday, Oct. 12
9:00 - 2:00
Multipurpose Room

Horror in Hollywood

By Betsy Curry
Student Government Association is sponsoring “Fright Night: Horror in Hollywood” Saturday, Oct. 15. Fright Night will be located in the Cafeteria and Multi-purpose Room from 8-11 p.m.

A Tarot Reading along with a Best Costume contest are among the events being offered. DJ Scott Murphy will be providing music. Refreshments and chips will be available in the cafeteria.

Tickets will be available in advance outside of the library by SGA. Advanced tickets are $3 at the door with a costume, or $5 without a costume. Tickets went on sale Thursday, Oct 5.

A mini Halloween party for children will also be available. The party includes childcare.

Haunted Parkersburg

By Betsy Curry
Halloween is right around the corner and instead of the normal haunted houses and costume parties with ghost and goblins, this year why not try a haunted ghost tour of downtown Parkersburg.

The Parkersburg Ghost Tour is a haunted, historical walking tour of downtown Parkersburg. During the Civil War, Parkersburg became known as “the wickedest city along the Ohio River.” Many believe that it is now the most haunted city.

Join the tour of downtown Parkersburg, as it covers the haunted history and famous paranormal tales. The tour consists of stories about the Banshee of Marrtown, the East End Ghoul, tales of the West Virginia Mothman, the Men in Black and the November 2, 1966 appearance of the alien Indrid Cold, which is featured in “The Mothman Prophecies” book and movie.

Also, see actual places possessed by spirits, and haunted houses along the route, and pass by a haunted graveyard. The haunted tour visits the historical district and describes accounts of real hauntings in the mystifying places where they occurred.

Parkersburg is host to the most talked about ghost tours in the nation. The historical ghost walking tour covers many rare stories and other paranormal oddities. The ghost tours are lead by local ghost hunters, psychic mediums and paranormal authors. The tour guides are knowledgeable experts in the field of the unknown and will explain what these hauntings mean, how they occur and why. The guides will tell stories of true hauntings in the actual places they occurred. They will also show sites of real ghost investigations.

The tour takes approximately two hours to complete. If any ghost hunters have trouble walking because of health concerns, they are encouraged to drive the tour. Please call 428-7978 on where to meet up with the tour. Be sure to wear appropriate clothing and comfortable shoes.

Though the walk is only two miles, it will be at a leisure pace so all can enjoy the scenes and atmosphere. Be sure to bring a flashlight and ghost hunters are encouraged to bring their equipment because it is not unusual to have a paranormal experience each night on the ghost tour.

The 2005 Haunted Parkersburg Ghost Tours dates are Sept 30 and Oct 1, Oct 7 and 8, Oct 21 and 22, Oct 28 and 29, Oct 30 and 31, and Nov 4 and 5. The Ghost Tour begins at 7:30 p.m. in the lobby of the Blennerhasset Hotel. The hotel is located at Fourth & Market Streets in downtown Parkersburg. No reservations are required for the regular ghost tour. Information can be found by visiting the website at www.hauntedparkersburg.com or by calling 428-7978.

The Haunted Parkersburg Ghost Tour also offers private ghost tours. Contact Sheppard@wirefire.com for more information. Guides are available anytime, any day, for groups of ten or more people.

There will be a special Halloween Tour on Sunday, Oct 30 and Monday, Oct 31 also beginning at 7:30 p.m. All tours begin in the lobby of the historic Blennerhassett Hotel in downtown Parkersburg. They also have special tours for school, clubs, groups, celebrations, meetings or parties.

The tours are seldom cancelled because of weather, but out-of-town ghost hunters should call before leaving home 428-7978.

Ghost Tour Cost is $8 for adults, $7 for seniors and students, $5 for children 13 and under, and small children are free.

Appalachian Heritage Day

By Erika Westbrook
The third annual Appalachian Heritage Day will be returning to West Virginia University at Parkersburg on Thursday, October 13 from 10 a.m. – 2 p.m. in the Multipurpose Room. The event is free and open to the public.

Displays, discussions and performances will be among the scheduled events that salute the area’s Appalachian culture. There will also be demonstrations throughout the day; such as candle making, soap making, blacksmithing, basket making, spinning, weaving, quilting, and apple butter making.

Also among the events will be live music, performed by Mike Morningstar. The WV Mountain Pride Cloggers will give performances at 11 a.m. and 1 p.m. in the theater.

Activities will also be held on the front lawn of the campus. Those events include: horseshoes, skillet throwing, sack races and an old fashion pie eating contest.

A bonfire with ghost stories performed by local author and Ghost Tour founder Susan Sheppard will conclude the day, and is scheduled at 7 p.m.

“We have featured activities that celebrate the Appalachian diversity that enriches our experiences in the unique culture of our region,” noted Gregg Busch, instructor of Sociology, whose Appalachia and Rural Life class coordinates the day.

Funding for the event is made possible through the Social Justice Committee. Additional information can be obtained by contacting Gregg Busch in office 1025B.

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Playoff Matchups Set

By Dylan Webster
The Divisional playoff matchups are set in major league baseball and while the National League series seems compelling, the American League looks to be deja vu of last year’s AL Championship series.

Starting with the NL, the series featuring the San Diego Padres against the St. Louis Cardinals seems to be a sure thing for the Cardinals. St. Louis was the best team, start to finish, in the NL this year. San Diego on the other hand won the NL West pennant in what seemed to be a season long exercise in futility.

The other match-up is far more difficult to predict. This showcases the best pitching duel for possibly the duration of the playoffs. The Atlanta Braves will take on the Houston Astros in this series, and hope to maintain their second half energy into the post season. The Astros are many analysts’ odds on favorite to represent the NL in the World Series. The reason is the wealth of starting pitching that Houston brings to the table, however, if any team can match their rotation it is the Braves. Along with quality starters, Atlanta’s Manager Bobby Cox might be their biggest advantage. Cox has always shown the ability to maximize the potential of his pitching. This one should go the distance.

In the AL, the Divisional series pairings of the New York Yankees versus the Los Angeles Angels at Anaheim and the Boston Red Sox against the Chicago White Sox promise many thrills, but most fans are looking to the AL Championship Series. Fate seems to have the Red Sox and Yankees on a collision course en route to this year’s World Series. While the White Sox and Angels are both capable opponents, it is unlikely that either will prevail against either of the “salary cap behemoths.” This sets the table for plenty of drama long before the World Series even begins.

Reds Stay With Narron

By Heath Bloxton
The Cincinnati Reds announced Thursday, Sept. 29, that interim manager, Jerry Narron, has been given a one-year contract to manage the club.

Narron was given the opportunity to manage the Reds in late June when the Reds fired Dave Miley. Since then, the Reds have played much better and have seemed to respond to the way Narron teaches.

Narron said he has really enjoyed managing the team and feels the team has made things “easy” on him. He feels the Reds have a core group of players that can “rub-off” on the younger prospects and make this team very competitive.

This is the second time Narron will take the role of managing a Major League team. He managed the Texas Rangers in 2001 and 2002. He is the 58th manager in Cincinnati Reds history.

Narron has stated that he is not bothered by a one-year deal because he believes he can turn the team around.

Rally at Death Valley

By Heath Bloxton
The Tennessee Volunteers made a dramatic comeback victory over the LSU Tigers Monday, Sept. 26 at Tiger Stadium (a.k.a. Death Valley) in Louisiana.

Down 24-7 in the fourth quarter, the Volunteers came storming back. Leading the comeback was quarterback Rick Clausen, who helped his team score 17 unanswered points. Clausen was originally at LSU, but transferred to Tennessee when he was told he was not good enough to start at LSU.

LSU tried to drive the offense into field goal range to win the game, but Tennessee held them in check and sent the game into overtime.

LSU got the ball first, but their drive stalled and they were forced to settle for a field goal. They led 27-24, but Tennessee got a chance to either tie or win the game.

Tennessee running back, Gerald Riggs Jr. caught a 10-yard pass and ran four times including a powerful run through the LSU defense to win the game for the Volunteers.

Tennessee coach, Phillip Fullmer credited Clausen for his great poise in front of a hostile crowd, and said that he did not panic and stepped up when the time counted.

Pennington Out for Season

By Heath Bloxton
Former Marshall University standout, Chad Pennington seems to be sidelined for the rest of the 2005 season.

Pennington, now with the New York Jets, tore his rotator cuff in his right shoulder on Sunday, Sept. 25, against the Jacksonville Jaguars. His injury is the same one that bothered him last year, but only caused him to miss three games.

The rotator cuff injury is not the only injury Pennington has had either. In 2003, he missed six games due to a broken wrist. Pennington is now 29 years old and has not played in a full NFL season since he arrived in New York.

Pennington’s injury this year was caused when he was tackled by Jacksonville defensive end Paul Spicer while Pennington was trying to throw a pass. Jets coach, Herman Edwards was determined to keep his starter out of the rest of the game, but Pennington begged to play. His wish was granted as he finished the game, but said he felt the pain throughout the rest of the game.

Pennington said he is frustrated because he worked so hard to get healthy for this season. However, he also said that he will have to remain confident and will return as soon as possible.

Chase Has No Face

By Dylan Webster
With NASCAR’s “Race for the Championship” in only its second season, the powers that be in the Nextel Cup series must view this season as a worst case scenario. While talk of large markets and visibility is usually heard in the NBA and baseball, NASCAR now may have its own crisis.

All ten of the drivers who made the chase earned it, and most are well-known within the sport. However, the bigger story may be the names who are not involved. The sport's two most recognized drivers will not be part of the “play-off.” Dale Earnhardt Jr. the cup series’ fan favorite and Jeff Gordon, the driver most fans love to hate failed to make the cut. While names like Rusty Wallace and Tony Stewart remain, this will likely gouge TV ratings and make the NFL more appealing to many of the “fringe” fans.

One positive in this year’s chase is the number of new faces. Carl Edwards and Greg Biffle will both be making their first appearances in the format. With youth being the theme, Wallace and Mark Martin are the chases’ only elder statesmen.

While this is no death knell to the Nextel Cup series, it will feel strange without Earnhardt Jr. or Gordon in contention. Both drivers receive high visibility, and both have major sponsors. Part of their, and NASCAR’s appeal is the recognition of the sponsorship. The bottom line is, most people like Eardhardt Jr. because of Budweiser. After hosting Saturday Night Live, and becoming something of a personality, less Gordon equals less interest.

Now that NASCAR has a play-off system to create urgency, and to compete “drama wise” with the other major sports, it now must face the pitfalls of the same.

Stewart Takes Lead

By Dylan Webster
Three events into NASCAR’s “Chase for the Championship,” Tony Stewart has regained the series lead. With only seven races remaining, Stewart and Ryan Newman have separated themselves from the rest of the leaders. Newman trails Stewart by only four points, however, third place Rusty Wallace is 75 points behind the leader. Jimmie Johnson is 82 points back and Greg Biffle is 98 behind.

The remaining five drivers are all 100 or more points behind the leader. While everyone is still very much in the thick of the chase, Stewart’s rebound at Talladega last weekend has to be a concern to the rest of the competition.

During the 36 race “regular season,” Stewart was enjoying a storybook-like year. All of the luck broke his way. Curiously however, in the first two championship races he looked as though he had peaked too early. That came to an end Sunday with a strong second place showing at the UAW-Ford 500. He also earned 10 bonus points by not only leading a lap, but also leading the most laps.

Also of note are Jimmie Johnson, who looked strong in the first two races but fell with a 31st place finish, and Kurt Busch who, although finished a respectable eighth, is mired in 10th place, 180 points out of the lead.

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Katrina Benefit Rocks

By Jessica Milhoan
Friday, Sept. 23, students rocked out to benefit the Hurricane Katrina relief. The concert was held at the West Virginia University at Parkersburg campus in Ripley. Music Exchange, Positrax Promotions and WVUP joined forces to get the public involved in the relief effort.

One hundred percent of all the money raised went to the American Red Cross.

A number of local bands performed live and offered the entertainment for the evening. They included Sustained, Dead Line, A.C. Slaters and Positive Influence just to name a few.

The benefit concert was just a start. Donations of books are also being collected in the lobby of the Ripley Center for the victims of Hurricane Katrina.

Blues Artist Willie King Here

By Devon Nuckles
The 2004 Blues Artist of the year will perform a free concert Saturday, Oct. 22, at West Virginia University at Parkersburg.

Mississippi native Willie King will appear at 7 p.m. in the college’s Multipurpose Room. The concert is free and open to the public.

“Freedom Creek,” King’s debut album, was his introduction to the blues world. It earned him three awards: Best Blues Album (2000) and Best Male Blues Artist (2001), and, in 2004, “Blues Artist of the Year” honors by Living Blues Magazine.

King was born in Prairie Point, Miss. King and his siblings were raised by his grandparents, who were local sharecroppers. King’s music is described as a “juke joint musical style” by Rooster Blues Records founder Jim O’Neal. In recent years, King has sponsored the Freedom Creek Festival, a gathering of musicians, political activist and barbecue cooks on his farm in Aliceville, Ala.

The college’s free concert is being held as part of WVUP’s Social Justice Program through a special arrangement with West Virginia University. Additional concert information is available by contacting Debbie Richards, executive assistant to the president for policy and social justice, 424-8201.

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Blind Observer

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The Blind Observer is a pack of damnable lies smuggled into the otherwise respectable Chronicle by recalcitrant Journalism students who ought to be spending their time in a more useful way. I have marked each Blind Observer story to warn decent citizens.

President Declares War on Nature

(From the Blind Observer)
WASHINGTON, D.C.– President George W. Bush, speaking at the National Cathedral, called on “the Creator of wind and water” to be our ally in an all-out struggle against the “vast and indifferent might of Nature” demonstrated by her recent egregious onslaught on America.

“The arbitrary harm left by these storms and the mystery of undeserved suffering,” he said, leaves him, as Commander-in-Chief, no other option but war. “Americans have never left our destiny to the whims of Nature, and we will not start now,” he said. He assured his listeners that, though “Nature is an awesome force,” God, who is omnipotent, is on our side.

“These were not normal hurricanes,” the President said, affirming that Nature, who he said could never be trusted, has in her irrational fury violated human decency and outraged the Deity, with whom, of course, the President is in daily consultation.

“We have seen fellow citizens left stunned and uprooted, searching for loved ones, and grieving for the dead, and looking for meaning in a tragedy that seems so blind and random,” Bush said.

The President said he had ordered new weaponry developed aimed at disabling Nature’s devastating arsenal of offensive weather systems, which, along with hurricanes, include earthquakes, volcanoes, tornados, freezing rain, and uncomfortably humid days.

Locally, Bush called for an investigation of the Mystery Hole, the suspiciously bizarre phenomenon of Nature at Ansted, West Virginia, saying it “just didn’t seem right.”

The President said Americans have “a faith in God no storm can take away,” and he called for national solidarity in opposing Nature in all her duplicitous forms.

Squirrelfest© 2005

(From the Blind Observer)
PARKERSBURG, WV– Controversy has struck Squirrelfest© 2005. The normally sleepy event, held every year here during squirrel season, has grown far beyond the Squirrel Gravy Cook-Off that comprised the original 1952 Squirrelfest©, and now includes carnival rides, gospel music, and the popular Shoot-Your-Hats-Off.

But suspicions have been cast on the time-honored Squirrel Gravy Cook-Off as a possible source of a breakout of Mad Squirrel Disease in humans locally, including possibly in longtime Squirrelfest© President Hobart Shrub; and last year’s Shoot-Your-Hats-Off still has people talking.

Mad Squirrel Disease
LaVerta Reynolds is expected to win the Squirrel Gravy Cook-Off, as she has every year since 1952. She’s a favorite with the judges, Brantlow Meeker and Rutherford Vance.

Squirrelfest© participants, snacking on barbequed squirrel, broiled squirrel, squirrel stew, baked squirrel, and fried squirrel with squirrel gravy, dismissed the idea that LaVerta’s gravy could be the source of the recent occurrence of Mad Squirrel Disease in local humans. The disease, which produces holes in the brain, normally strikes only one person in a million, say neurologists, but Dr. John Wiemeraner says in a report that in the last four years he has seen 11 cases in his practice here, all in people who reported eating squirrel brains at some time.

Symptoms include loss of muscle control and dementia. It may take years, even decades, neurologists say, for symptoms to appear.

“It is perhaps best to avoid squirrel brains and probably the brains of any other animal,” said Dr. Rayburn Barker, who with Wiemeraner reported the neurological findings to the Mid-Ohio Valley Medical Journal.

But squirrel brains are a lip-smacking memory for Squirrelfest© visitor Annabel Gates. They were the choicest morsels of the game her father once hunted. “In our family, we saw it as a prized piece of meat, and if he shared it with you, you were pretty happy. Not that he was stingy,” she said, “but there’s just not much of a squirrel brain.”

Hardy Lyvers, whose wife simmers squirrels, head and all, with sautéed onions and peppers and serves them over rice, said “two guys’ opinions” in a medical journal won’t make him change his ways.

Howard Garland’s prize-winning Squirrelfest© recipe for fresh road-killed squirrel especially concerns Dr. Barker. A crazed squirrel, he said, may be more likely to dash into traffic and get killed.

Shoot-Your-Hats-Off
Some Squirrelfest© observers speculated that Mad Squirrel Disease might have been a factor in the incident that marred last year’s Shoot-Your-Hats-Off, in which contestants try to shoot each other’s hats off.

Fewer people are expected to be injured this year than usual in Shoot-Your-Hats-Off, due to summer target-practice sessions and a hoped-for decrease in heavy drinking, but the three contestants who were unfortunately left lying in a drunken stupor after being shot in last year’s event have clearly weighed heavily on President Shrub.

Many Squirrelfest© participants were alarmed when they learned that Shrub, apparently believing that Squirrelfest© had become possessed by evil forces, ordered last year’s three Shoot-Your-Hats-Off victims left untreated in the creek bed where they lay. But accusations that he acted strangely have not put Shrub on the defensive. He has said, ‘I will personally fully investigate my actions and I will make every effort to get to the bottom of what I did that day.”

He ruled out a medical examination, calls for which have increased after Shrub shot his mailman for bringing notice of the newly assigned County 911 number. Shrub asserted that the new house-numbering is “the Mark of the Beast,” and that the “mailman” was obviously Satan. He dismissed suggestions of Mad Squirrel Disease as “crazy talk.”

Shrub said in an interview that he believed 2004 Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry may have been behind last year’s mysterious occurrence. He said Kerry’s Democrats had wanted to sabotage Squirrelfest© and, he said, “take away our God-given right to bear arms.” But, he said, President George Bush had supported Squirrelfest,© sending over boxes of Social Security Treasury bonds from the Bureau of Public Debt in Parkersburg, saying that they were “worthless IOUs” which could be used for target practice.

Offensive T-shirt Goes Unnoticed

(From the Blind Observer)
PARKERSBURG, WV – Student Devon Nuckles’ “Your Retarded” T-shirt failed to outrage anybody at West Virginia University at Parkersburg on Wednesday, though Nuckles had readied himself for trouble from several directions. He said he had figured, WTF, man, fug’em if they can’t take a joke, and went ahead and wore it. He had figured the English majors would tell him it was grammatically incorrect (duh!), and the politically correct people would tell him it was politically incorrect, and the dumb people would get mad at him for insulting them cause they wouldn’t get the joke. But nobody noticed the shirt at all, which made it seem kind of stupid to wear it, he said.

Local Man Smells Something

(From the Blind Observer)
DEER WALK, WV – Deer Walk resident John Hickey thinks he may have to do a wash again, he said Saturday, since he can’t figure out where that smell is coming from. He has put all the cats out of the house, and his shoes are out on the porch, but there’s still a smell coming from somewhere. “Maybe it’s something in the refrigerator,” he said, but he wasn’t going to deal with that today, for sure. “I’m hoping it’ll go away,” Hickey said as he left the house to get some fresh air.

Asst. Manager Cracks Under Stress

(From the Blind Observer)
WILLIAMSTOWN, WV - Brad Hitchens, who had recently been promoted to Assistant Manager at Napoli's Restaurant, left the restaurant suddenly at the beginning of the busy shift Friday night, saying he couldn’t take it any more. “I started yelling at the waitresses, cause they were laughing at how stressed I was. I thought, this is nuts. So I left.” “He wasn’t ready for the position of authority,” said Sandy Huffner, a longtime employee.

Area Man to Buy Overalls

(From the Blind Observer)
VIENNA, WV – Vienna resident Dylan Webster has told friends that, if he comes into some money, he plans to buy a second pair of overalls. He says he likes the feeling of freedom he gets from not wearing pants, and stated that people seem to laugh more at his stories when he is wearing overalls. He further stated that, “If he was rich, he would have a pair of overalls for every day of the week,” a friend reported. “Dylan has always thought big,” the friend told the Observer.

Ripley Resident Has Not Evolved

(From the Blind Observer)
RIPLEY, WV – Robert Walling, longtime area resident, says he has read in the newspaper that human beings have evolved over millions of years, but, Walling says, he is a Christian man and does not believe in it. He says he has not evolved at any time, and does not intend to. No one in his family tree has evolved, he believes, though there are some of them, he says, that have moved out of state that he has not kept track of.

Jasmine Delane

Old Guy in Class Won’t Shut Up

(From the Blind Observer)
By Heather Bloxton
PARKERSBURG, WV – This guy started taking our Journalism class who must be like 50, and he won’t shut up. He acts like he knows everything, and he keeps lecturing everybody and taking up the whole class time arguing about every thing anybody says. I guess they can’t throw him out unless he turns out to be a pervert or something, but we’re going to get Dylan to tell him to give it a break once in a while. Dylan is pretty old, too, so maybe he can talk to the guy.

Local Woman Online With Brawny

WAVERLY, WV – Kelley White of Waverly says she has finally found a man who understands her in the Brawny Paper Towel Man, who offers compassionate interactive video companionship online. The Brawny man, who welcomes his female visitors to an isolated cabin which he built himself, offers virtual foot massages, supportive conversation, and sublimated sexuality. “The Brawny man fulfills all my needs,” said White. “Even when I have random unexplained breakdowns, he’s there for me.”

White estimates she spends about eight hours each day in intimate online interaction with the Brawny man, dismissing friends’ pleas to “get a life.” The Brawny man, who also appears on packages of Brawny paper towels, apparently has no other name.

Sought for an interactive comment, the Brawny Man greeted this reporter in French, which, we must admit, gave us a warm feeling. “Hello, my little artichoke,” he said (which sounded better in French). “Your cheekbones are pretty. Enter, please.”

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Navigating tip: Clicking the Home link at the bottom of each story will bring you to the top story in the latest issue of the Chronicle.

Obituaries

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The Blind Observer is a pack of damnable lies smuggled into the otherwise respectable Chronicle by recalcitrant Journalism students who ought to be spending their time in a more useful way. I have marked each Blind Observer story to warn decent citizens.

Mr. Potato Head

(From the Blind Observer)
BOISE, ID - Mr. Potato Head died Oct.1 after a long struggle with ear, nose, and throat problems.

For years the head of the American Toy and Cartoon Characters Association, which he founded with his lifelong friends Mr. Peanut, Reddy Kilowatt and Speedy Alkaseltzer, Mr. Potato Head was often seen to be disorganized, but Mr. Peanut, speaking of his friend, said, “He kept things together.”

He is survived by Mrs. Potato Head and their son Spud.

Cap'n Crunch

(From the Blind Observer)
SAN DIEGO, CA - Cap'n Crunch died Sept. 28 in the Retired Cartoon Seaman's Home here, where Captain Hook and Popeye also spent their last days.

Though Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch never held a military commission, he did have a seagoing background, having captained his ship, The Guppy, over many a cartoon sea since 1963.

His character, a gay 1800-era British sea captain, was widely thought to be the model for Johnny Depp’s acclaimed performance as Captain Jack Sparrow in Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean.

After Middleman Media retired his bobble-head doll in 1996, Cap’n Crunch saw the writing on the wall, and retired to the Cartoon Seaman’s Home, where he frequently derided the other residents as mere “Corporate Mascots.”

Mr. ZIP

(From the Blind Observer)
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Mr. ZIP died at Washington Memorial Hospital Sept.23. He no longer had the "zip" he had displayed in earlier years, and had been horribly mangled when, on a public relations visit to U.S. Postal Service headquarters, he became entangled in the Post Office’s automated mail-handling equipment.

Mr. ZIP had carried out his duties through rain and snow and gloom of night since the Kennedy administration, but had made few public appearances since 1986, when he was forced into retirement by a Postal Service hierarchy that considered him an “anachronism.”