Local Woman Online With Brawny

WAVERLY, WV – Kelley White of Waverly says she has finally found a man who understands her in the Brawny Paper Towel Man, who offers compassionate interactive video companionship online. The Brawny man, who welcomes his female visitors to an isolated cabin which he built himself, offers virtual foot massages, supportive conversation, and sublimated sexuality. “The Brawny man fulfills all my needs,” said White. “Even when I have random unexplained breakdowns, he’s there for me.”

White estimates she spends about eight hours each day in intimate online interaction with the Brawny man, dismissing friends’ pleas to “get a life.” The Brawny man, who also appears on packages of Brawny paper towels, apparently has no other name.

Sought for an interactive comment, the Brawny Man greeted this reporter in French, which, we must admit, gave us a warm feeling. “Hello, my little artichoke,” he said (which sounded better in French). “Your cheekbones are pretty. Enter, please.”